A Formal Introduction to Smiling
by hearmelaugh
Summary: Yuuri conducts an interview in the night, wondering why Wolfram smirks and scowls a lot, but doesn't smile his prettiest smile very often. Wolfram explains, and Yuuri is upset by the reason. He demands a smile to make things better. For kkm challenge


A formal introduction to smiling, and how to go about doing it.

(_Yuuri taps a hairbrush_)

Yuuri: Hello, hello? Can you guys hear me? Hello?

(_Shibuya Yuuri steps back onto his bed, smiling goofily, Wolfram's hairbrush in hand. The blond eyes him with a familiar, humouring look. Yuuri will be Yuuri_)

Yuuri: Good... umm, night, Mister Wolfram. How are you this fine... night?

(_A blond eyebrow shoots up, and Yuuri blushes. He doesn't put down the hairbrush though_)

Wolfram: Goodnight, Your Majesty. And if I'm a mister anything, wimp, it's Mister Bielefeld. I could have sworn Gunter covered titles just a few days ago, Yuuri. Or have you not been doing your homework? You know what, show me the assignment that I _know_ is due tomor-

(_Yuuri throws a pillow at Wolfram's head, not wanting to hear an end to that, quietly making a note to himself to not sleep at all to finish the four thousand word monster of an essay that he had **completely**__ forgotten about_)

Yuuri: Ignore that, ladies and gentlemen! I-

Wolfram: What ladies and gentlemen, you cheating wimp?

Yuuri: Wolfram! I'm trying to hold an interview here! Do you not want me to talk to you, or what?

Wolfram:... Fine. But try to be make more sense, Yuuri. It's too late for me to be able to cope with Wimp-talk.

Yuuri: All you did today was play with Greta and swim around in the baths! I had to wait until you got out before I could take a bath!

Wolfram: It was tiring. What's your point?

Yuuri:... Never mind Wolfram. I've got a question for you!

(_And lo, there was an Awkward Pause_)

Wolfram: Wimp, one normally continues by _asking_ the question.

Yuuri: Aren't people supposed to be nicer at night? Anyways, I was wondering, Mister _Bielefeld_. How come you don't smile very much? And how come you hit me whenever _I_ smile at people?

(_Wolfram rolls his eyes, and Yuuri pouts, somewhat cutely. Wolfram is not moved, and pulls the hairbrush to his lips, playing along with Yuuri's silliness. Because Yuuri was Yuuri)_

Wolfram: You _did_ notice that one time when I smiled and a bunch of dying people came back to life, right? What do you think would happen if I went around with a great big stupid grin on my face? It wouldn't be the first time a tree uprooted itself to fling itself at me. Though that first time, the tree _was_ a suitor in a clever disguise...

Yuuri: Wolf, are you saying the main reason you don't smile is because you're worried that _things_ might come to life and violently attack?

Wolfram: The old men seemed pretty fit when they were lunging at me.

Yuuri: That sounds incredibly self-centered of you, you know. But I was there at the hospital with you, so I can understand why you wouldn't want a repeat of that...

(_Yuuri shudders, yelping when he accidentally stabs himself in the arm with the hairbrush. Wolfram twists a fond smile into a smirk, because he was fairly certain the bedside table was giving him a funny look)_

_(It was)_

Yuuri: Isn't there a way for you to smile and _not_ make zombies of other stuff?

Wolfram: If no one sees it but a perfectly healthy person I _wouldn't_ mind lunging at me, it should be okay.

(_Wolfram shrugs, because he is used to random winged animals landing in his hair when he is in a happy mood playing outside with Greta. He put it under "Parenting Risks", and was at peace with it. Yuuri frowns in thought)_

Yuuri: Mister Bielefeld, don't you think that's a bit sad?

Wolfram: You smile enough for the both of us, wimp. Me smiling would be one idiotic grin too many.

Yuuri: But still... It isn't fair that you can't show that you're happy with a great big happy smile!

Wolfram: Good thing I'm not very happy very often, then.

Yuuri: That's not a nice thing to say, Wolfram! Your family would be sad if they heard that. Really, maybe I should ask if Anissina has some sort of... umm, toothpaste that could make your smiles less... startling.

(_Yuuri snaps his fingers in delight as a light bulb switches itself on on the top of his head. Wolfram looks at the weird ball-ish thing, and wonders if it is another badly executed metaphor. He ignores it)_

Yuuri: I've got it! That kind of thing _never_ happens to _me_, so obviously you should smile like me more often!

(_Wolfram snorts_)

Wolfram: I don't think I _want_ to look like an idiot, thank you very much, Your Majesty.

(_And lo, there was another pause, this time much less awkward, because Wolfram was giving off his Warm Aura, his substitute for smiling, and it was so very very Pleasant_)

Wolfram: It was a nice thought, though. Wimp.

(_Yuuri was suddenly very intelligently struck with another idea, and in his special, Yuuri way, he knew Wolfram would agree with it. Mostly because of his excellent track record, because Wolfram never disagreed to __**this**_)

Yuuri: Hur hur hur! I know how you can smile as much as you want without furniture trying to jump you!

Wolfram: Yuuri, is hur hur hur some sort of laugh-

(_And lo, again. The hairbrush was tossed somewhere, because this kind of interview really involved a lot of tongue, but not so much on the talking. Lots and lots of the in part of the interview, eyes closed, so not so much with view. Wolfram smiles into it, smiles wide and pretty, but this close to Yuuri's face, who could see?_)

(_No one, no thing)_

_(They parted_)

Yuuri: See! You smiled, and it was lovely, and nothing came to life to get you!

Wolfram: You know... For a Wimp Idea, that was pretty brilliant. I believe we should _continue_ this line of investigation, Your Majesty. Something about jumping me...

(_And then there was the sort of interview that young boys in love are always so fond of. Things like "Oh, lips, this is Wolfram's rib", and "Wimp, I'd forgotten this birthmark, you know"_. _After that there was a lot of huffing, and puffing, and warmth and delicious heat)_

(_Until Yuuri rolled over onto the hairbrush and jumped upwards screaming in pain. Wolfram promptly stopped feeling like smiling, and went to sleep. Yuuri whimpers, because it's the..._)

End of Interview.

oOoOo

Written for kkm_challenge on livejournal. Wanted to wait a bit more before I updated, but there's this:

.com/kkm_#cutid1

KKM season 4 isn't being made, because there's ISN'T interest. We all know that's not true, so please sign the petition asking (_begging_) for the continuation. I know I don't have much clout (heh), but I'll threaten as well I can. The more people sign the above petition, the faster I'll write Stole The Sun. It'll be out in March, early March if, let's all chime together now, the grovel-fest for the fourth season is done properly.

My civic duty done, I now just want to mention, this is just about as explicitly seks-ual as I will ever write. Abstract and stuff, because I'm too shy for any and all obvious citrus XD Do hope you enjoy, because for some reason probably only I'll feel, I really rather like this. Hope you liked, of course. Do review!


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